Good morning, afternoon, evening, constituents! I’m looking forward to meeting you in a friendly, non-confrontational way to discuss some of my exciting new initiatives, especially if you’re elderly and need tins. Similarly, if you’re an immigrant, I’m happy to chat to you, but it will need to be in English and probably easier if written. Just get in touch! (PS – this is not a scam to stop benefits, fraud, send you home). Nick Cave, please stop emailing Cathy at HQ, she says she’ll get back to you asap re: the poster. Peter James, great idea re: dog poo plastic bags naming shaming sides of buses, will be in touch via text.
It’s a pleasure to be your candidate.
(Again, please do not use this form to contact Dave Lynn. I am currently unable to pass on messages due to his phone being off.)